This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
