Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
