How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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