In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
