tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Mom said you looked used
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
