she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
