I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
