I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
