I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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