when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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