I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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