wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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