i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
