Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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