that's an acceptable place to lick
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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