Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
