Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
