I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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