I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
