haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
