its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
