i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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