ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
