Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
