I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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