I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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