I heard we made out
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
