it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
