3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
