eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
