I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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