I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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