I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
