is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
