doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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