ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
