This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
