Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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