just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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