My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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