Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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