I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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