We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
