Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
