it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
