i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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