Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
