I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
