Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
