oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
